A Mental List of Preventative Measures

This new notebook
Blank pages
The promise of eternity or something close
So few things offer
There is nothing like
Words on the page
A chance to defy the inevitable
A fuck you to fate
That keeps me awake at night
Startles me out of sleep
Like that sensation of falling and I jolt awake
All of this is so fragile
This sense of being so impermanent

When I find something I love
the problem finds a beginning
Because love has a way of leading to addiction
After all you can look at my romantic life of implosions
The way to addiction
Rarely ends well

The wick burns orange flame
Run my finger through it
Remember doing that as a teen
Watch as the flame sways and moves with the air in the room
The scent burning my nose
A headache and the tension
I blow it out

He hugs me
Thin arms around my neck
Porcelain pale skin
His smile still holds the child ideals
And the day he loses his childhood
I will mourn for a moment
And then I will start making a mental list
The ways to prevent
Crippling indecision
The fear of missing every experience
Leads to a fear of making the wrong decision
Inexcusably rendering all thoughts stagnant
Terrified of the consequences
Terrified of the inaction
Terrified of what comes next
A mental list
To prevent this

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s