See, there’s not a lot sometimes. There’s not a lot that keeps a person going. There’s the important things: a child, family, friends.
And sometimes these are what serve to make a person who feels like a shit person, feel like more of a shit person. Why aren’t you better, more, softer.
There are a lot of these in life, these hindrances that subtract: alcohol, money, owning anything, a purchase. Something spent. Nothing gained. A drink. A lost night.
I also have the other things, the positives: There is music. There are words, the poetry, fiction, songs. The things others have made, the things I have made.
The things I have made.
You can’t fake what you’ve never had, and I think when you’re young, you’ve had it more than when you’re older. It’s new, the first time, the most potent and the most painful. It’s the young musician, singing about love, singing about heartache, the writer who is writing about loss. Have you felt the loss? Have you felt it more potently than as a youth?
Listen. We’ve all felt it.
Maybe it’s just me. Maybe in my mid life crisis. Youth.
It isn’t about what I’ve never had these days. It’s about what I’m losing. It’s about all I’ve experienced that will never be again.